“Sometimes, the hardest part in learning something new is unlearning
the old way of doing it.” Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D., from the book “Life Strategies”.
The hardest part about transition is not just learning how to be feminine, but in unlearning how to be masculine.
Observe women that you admire, and emulate them
Imitation is the most sincere
form of flattery, so flatter somebody! Don't show up to work in the same
dress, though. What I mean is that you should observe how women really
stand, really walk, really hold their arms, what they really
wear, and so on, and so on. It's like trying on clothes; you see if it fits
you, see if it looks good on you, and if it does, then you buy it.
All women have varying degrees
of "femme" that they use, depending on the situation. Observe
what they wear when they go to the grocery store, movies, casual dates,
school, work, and so on. It's important to not do too little as much as
it's important to not do too much! There is the fantasy of what you would
like to look great in, and then there is reality. It's the same for all
but the select few gorgeous women out there with perfect bodies, and the
rest of us do what we can.
Androgynous is great when you
are pushing the boundries of your old gender, but it's a definite no-no
when you are working on passing.
Ultimately, you will grow to
be a unique individual - someone that is a combination of all that she has
grown comfortable with over time. Just remember to "Be Authentic".
Fake it 'till you make it!
"Acting" feminine
may feel very unnatural to you for quite a while. That's okay. Melanie Phillips
suggests that you should practice being feminine by overdoing it, and doing
"Valley Girl" talk, mannerisms, and so on, in private. My thought
is that acting overly feminine in this way might loosen you up a bit, and
make it easier to be more feminine in normal life situations. However, I
never really did this, and focused more on what in me was "fake masculine
posturing" and to eliminate that, allowing my natural self to shine
through. If you overdo it, then you will look like a drag queen, and not
a woman in any sense of the word.
It takes practice
And a lot
of time.
Voice, mannerisms, whatever. Don't expect it to come
to you without effort. If it does, count your blessings. I believe
that a lot of progress l made depended on my own comfort factor in that
situation and what other people knew about me. If I wasn't comfortable
in a situation 'acting' like a girl, then I found
it difficult to do so. A lot of old situations at work were like that
for a while. If I was in a situation where they only knew me
as
"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." -- Albert Camus
Start practicing now, and use
time driving, in the shower, or whenever, to practice, practice, practice!
"I was taught
that the way of progress was neither swift nor easy." -
For most of us
that transition later in life, Madame Curie is quite right. Keep at it,
and you will get there.
Start Electrolysis Now
Electrolysis can take several
years to accomplish, and may cost as much or a lot more than your surgery.
Start now, even if it's only a little at a time. This will help reduce
the time and expense later, and the amount of pain you endure at one sitting.
30 minutes a session now is better than four hours a session later. Believe
me.
Electrolysis, it is said, is
what "separates the men from the women". If you aren't willing
to do the time, then your resolve to see this through may not be there and
you may fall somewhere else in the gender spectrum. There are varying
degrees of gender dysphoria, and you may not be
the one that completes this journey. If you can endure the pain and have
that resolve, then you can probably make it.
There are full-time TS women
out there that have never had electrolysis. It is hard for them, I
am sure, just as I am sure it is hard for anyone that doesn't get enough
electrolysis before going full-time.
The general consensus is that
you should get 60+ hours of electrolysis before you even think about going
full-time, and that depends on your beard. You don't want to have
to shave mid-way through the day. 150 hours total seems to be the
norm, but you can double that if you have a thick dark beard.
Facial Feminization Surgery
On Heather's web site is a comprehensive description
of Dr. Ousterhout's Facial Feminization, created from his
documentation.
My experience with Dr. O consists
of getting an evaluation by him in 1999. Although he said my proportions were good,
and that there wasn’t a lot he had to do, it was still just shy of
$30,000 US. If I had that kind
of money, I would probably do it, but for now I’ll keep the face I
have.
Be aware, too, that there is
a difference between and ESTIMATE and his real price. Until he evaluates you and all of the X-Rays
that he needs to take, the price is not set. One woman emailed me and said that she
had to cancel her surgery after she got there and he did his REAL workup
prior to surgery. Buyer
beware, and it may behoove you to fly out there and be COMPLETELY
evaluated prior to the actual surgery.
Page updated:
October 20, 2007