"If this is a blessing, it is certainly very well disguised." - Winston Churchill
If you are considering suicide, CLICK HERE NOW. I also have a page on Suicide that has more information on that subject. Then, please continue reading….
This page is about getting you started finding help, and how to help yourself. There is a lot more specific information in the pages that follow this.
I'm not a therapist, and can only relate to you my thoughts and experiences on this subject. I am neither trained nor equipped to handle these situations, and neither are most people you know, I would guess. Depression is a serious condition, and the first thing you should do is find some caring, competent help. You may be geographically challenged in this respect, and lack resources in your area and compassionate people you can talk to. Also, just because someone is a therapist doesn't mean that they will understand you and help, so you may have to look around a bit. Therapists can be just as prejudiced as the rest of society. Don't get discouraged if this happens; some people just aren't equipped, or aren't really compassionate. You may have to drive for a long distance, then, or find someone that will talk to you on the phone. You don't have to wait until the deepest point of crisis or until you have a life-threatening problem before you seek help.
If you aren't sure if you are
depressed, then get help now. Contact a Doctor,
Links:Depression / Therapy / Support Groups / Journal / Advice
If you are like everyone else that I know that is TS, you have been depressed from time to time, and all too often Very depressed. That depression may be what brought you here to this web site today. Surviving transition requires you to understand what this is all about, and sometimes it helps you feel better just to understand more about the gift you have been given. Knowing the truth, and having that as your guide and shield, can help reduce the guilt and stress you may feel about your gender gifts.
No matter where you are in life, or how depressed you may be, there are things that you can do to help this very treatable condition. You don't have to be depressed. The best thing to do is to see your doctor or therapist. This won't cure your gender problems, but you need to do what you can to reduce the symptoms of depression so that you can better handle the rest of you life.
According to the World Health Organization, major depression is the leading cause of disability worldwide among persons aged 5 years and older. It is also the most common and widespread of all psychiatric disorders. Depression can range from mild to severe and takes a significant toll on individuals, families, and society. It also negatively affects the economy through diminished productivity and use of healthcare resources. (ref: Medscape 2001) All good reasons to transition - it's helping your country!
Many people cannot recognize the symptoms of depression in themselves. My doctor and my therapist each gave me a standard questionnaire to evaluate my level of sadness or depression. It shouldn't be necessary for you to divulge any information about why you are depressed, if you are concerned about that. If you did, they (theoretically) can't say anything anyway. If your therapist needs to put a diagnosis on paperwork for your insurance, be certain that it only lists "depression" as a reason.
I've been on antidepressants twice in the few years before my divorce and transition, and I think they helped me through some tough times. Like a lot of people, I felt I could get through anything without antidepressants; "Those are only for the mentally ill", I thought. Now I don't believe that's true; the medicines are there to help people just like you and I get through problems just like this. Again, it won’t solve your problems, so don’t expect everything to be rosy after getting on an antidepressant, but it should help reduce your depression so you can better deal with life issues.
An interesting thing about antidepressants is that each of the different kinds, even though they may work in similar ways, can have different side effects on you. An antidepressant can actually have the exact opposite effect to what’s intended, and can cause you to be more depressed, even to the point that you’re suicidal. Just be aware of this, and don't use this SMALL possibility of problems as a reason to not take antidepressants. You may have to switch antidepressants if you don’t get the desired results, and you need to keep in touch with how you are feeling. Increasing dosage may help, and it may hinder. Talk to your doctor about side effects; she should be well informed about what can happen based on the antidepressant’s documentation and her training, and she needs to be kept updated about what you are experiencing with this medication.
SSRI antidepressants generally take two to several weeks before becoming effective, so be patient on the results. Since it takes a while to work, get help before your depression gets severe. Get help now if you aren’t sure. Many, many people are unable to recognize the symptoms of clinical depression in themselves. If you have an inkling, then see your doctor or therapist for evaluation.
If you want to ‘do it yourself’, then I highly suggest trying the supplement "5HTP". It can be purchased just about anywhere that sells vitamins, and increases your seratonin levels. This helps with mood, diet and also migraines. I take it now to help prevent migraines.
The herbal supplement St. John's Wort has been touted as a good natural antidepressant, but be very careful not to take more than recommended on the bottle, and do not mix it with any other antidepressant medications. Remember, for all intents and purposes, this is medication, so be careful if you aren’t under a doctor’s care. St. Johns Wort can also cause reactions if you are allergic to rag weed.
Another herbal antidepressant is SAMe. It's pricey, but is supposed to be wonderful. Your mileage may vary and again, it’s medicine.
Like hormones, taking more antidepressants than prescribed won't get you faster results, so take the time and know that they are helping.
My life greatly improved after my divorce; not necessarily because of the divorce, but because I was finally pointed in the right direction. I used to suffer from deep depression every year, to the point that I wasn’t completely functional at times, and this usually occurred the worst in the springtime, it seemed. In the springtime after my divorce I was pleasantly surprised to find myself without the debilitating depression I had experienced in the past. It was wonderful. I had no idea at that point when I would ever transition, let alone have surgery, but I was pointed in the right direction and I was happy.
If you are depressed, then you really should be in therapy so you can work at the root cause of the problem, or to work through your gender issues. Finding the correct therapist is very important, however. Just because someone is a therapist and has more degrees than a thermometer doesn’t mean that they will be equipped to help you with Gender Identity Disorder, nor will it guarantee that he or she will be compassionate about your condition. In other words, they may hinder, rather than help, if you don't find the right one. They are human, after all, and there are many that have the same prejudices about transsexuality as the rest of the population, no matter (or because of) what professional training they have. Finding a therapist should be like interviewing an employee – you may have to go through a few to find the right one. They work for you, after all, so don’t settle for less than you deserve, and don't give up if you have to look around a bit.
If you can get involved with a support group, or can meet other transsexuals in your local area, then recommendations from them for a therapist are your very best source. I also have a page with links to resources you can use to find a gender experienced therapist. If you can avoid training a therapist about this condition, then don’t. You don’t want to spend your money and time teaching someone from ground zero if you don’t have to. However, great gender therapists have to come from somewhere, and you never know when you may start someone on the path to helping out a lot of other people just like you.
Can't afford therapy, but need help? There are a number of Support Groups around the planet where you can go and talk to people just like you, that are dealing with the same issues, and there will probably be a few TS folks that have "been there, done that" that you can talk to. The TGF Mall also has a searchable database of support groups at http://www.tgfmall.com/info/search.html divided by state and country.
Also try Group Therapy with a TS knowledgeable therapist. Live in the boonies and can't get to the big city? Try Dr. Anne Lawrence. She offers phone counseling. I don’t know her, so I can’t endorse her.
Need a friend? Write me a letter. That's what I'm here for. I don’t always have time to write a lot, but I always respond.
I very highly recommend journal writing because it really is something you need to do to help yourself.
Don’t view this as a lark, or some "pop psychology" concept to simply discard. Accept it for what it is: a tool that can help you a great deal, as something that will allow you to reach into your heart and mind, and as a tool that can help you decide what is best for you to do with your life.
When writing in your journal, it is imperative that you are able to be brutally honest with yourself about everything. Therefore, the security of your journal is of utmost importance.
When you write in a journal you must write freely, as if nobody on the planet will ever see it. To ensure that happens, you must protect that journal from being read by anyone else. You can’t be brutally honest about your feelings if you think the people you are writing about will ever see it. If you can't trust the security of your computer, or of a handwritten journal, then destroy the document, or do not save it after you write it. It isn’t essential that the document continue to exist; it’s only important that you write.
Being honest with yourself takes a lot of practice. If writing seems "hollow" at first, just keep writing. It also isn’t about how beautiful you write; it’s about working through your issues, and searching your feelings.
We spend a lot of time lying to ourselves, and to others, about the way that we think and feel. Lies take many forms, and may range from "I’m sure I’m just a TV – I think I can handle this…" to "Killing myself is the only answer." Your true feelings about being transgendered may run much deeper than "I’m just a TV". As you write, you will be amazed at how many alternate solutions become evident to you, as you continue this dialog with yourself. Suicide, you may find, is not your only option when you step back and look at your situation.
The journal isn’t about documenting life events, although that may be something nice to look back on, like an old photo album. I find that I forget a lot of details, and enjoy reading about some of the good times. To be a useful tool, though, the journal should be about examining your life, your feelings, and your choices.
Writing things down also gives you a level of objectivity that you need if you are going to make improvements in your life.
Give yourself the opportunity to let your feelings out, in a very safe way. If you've never done this, then sit down right now and write the words, "I am a transsexual." - If that is what you think you might be, that is. You will be amazed how good it feels just to admit things to yourself, let alone to others or in your journal.
When you write, write as if you are writing a letter to someone. To sit and write about your thoughts and feelings in a manner in which others might need to read and understand them, is a powerful way to sift through your mind, to get at what is really bothering you, and how you really feel about something. It puts problems into the proper perspective.
My personal experience is that writing is very healing. It helps me to sort out my thoughts and feelings. I know it does me a lot of good, and I can tell when I haven't written for a few days; I may feel a bit out of sorts. After reading a section of my journal, my friend Ms. M said that she can tell that I felt better about what was bothering me as she read along.
Writing in a journal can help make you healthier, too.
Writing in a journal may rev
up your ability to fend off germs, according to studies by
Putting it all down on paper may help you see your problems as less stressful so your body doesn't automatically produce stress hormones, such as cortisol. "There's preliminary evidence that writing improves function in the parts of the brain that control cortisol secretion," says Joshua Smyth, PhD, study project director at the State University of New York (SUNY) at Stony Brook, who headed 1998 research that found similar results among people with chronic illnesses.
In a long-term Alzheimer’s Disease study of nuns in Wisconsin, the researchers noted that "The sisters who had very positive emotions in their biographies as young 20-year-old women, they lived about 10 years longer than the sisters who wrote nice biographies but that sounded like business letters. There wasn't much emotion (in the biographies)".
I’ve presented evidence that writing in a journal, and expressing your feelings, can help you in many, many ways! So, even if you only write a little at a time, write. It does your mind and soul a lot of good.
I invite you to read my journal, which is located at the new www.gender-id.com.
Nearly all the advice you will receive -- welcome or not -- about your transition is well intended. Remember to maintain a sense of humor -- and appreciation. Here are some helpful tips on how to react to advice...
Advice from Parents and In-Laws
This is the most emotion-laden advice. The "good" child in us may act on advice to please our parents, even if it goes against our gut. If the advice goes against your instincts then thank them and explain that you must do what is right for your life.
Advice from Extended Family and Friends
Peers offer practical advice based on their personal experiences. Remember, what worked for them may not work for you. If it sounds good, try it. If it doesn't, thank them but continue to follow your own instincts. That goes for this site, too!
Advice from Authority Figures
Don't be intimidated. Ask questions about advice that you're not comfortable with and seek a second opinion if the answers don't satisfy you. Be an advocate for yourself.
Advice from Strangers
This is the easiest advice to ignore, unless you're having a fragile day. In that case, it can push you over the edge! Just smile, say thanks and walk away. This is especially true for conversations on users groups and email lists where, amazingly, there are people that just aren't nice, and get a kick out of kicking others. Consider the source, if this happens to you.
Updated December 14, 2007
This Site, the Journal, and all related pages, are copyrighted 1997-2007 by Jennifer O except as noted. All rights reserved. This Document may not be reproduced in any form without the author's written permission.