I had dinner last night with Jen on Friday night and she offered to allow me to start blogging. I do “journal” a bit…in fact I wrote 15 pages handwritten during a trip to Texas a week or so ago. Still, I wonder if I have anything worth blogging. As I’ve thought more about it, we all have a story…and if sharing with others can help one other person who is dealing with transgender issues, it is worth it.

So, to start…my blog will not include academic type articles or reviews of issues…those are very valuable, but they aren’t what I “do.” So, if you are looking for tips on the best surgeon (I of course think mine is, but I don’t review everyone), you won’t find it in my blogs.

What you will find is information about my transition…the issues I face, how I face them…to borrow from a “spaghetti western,” the good, the bad, and the ugly. Like Jen, I encourage anyone dealing with gender issues (in fact anyone who is human) to keep a journal…and one that is completely private. It is “cheap” therapy and can help you to clarify not only your goals, but also your feelings.

A little about me to finish this first blog…I will try to keep them somewhat brief…but do them a bit more often. I am a post-op, but I would like to consider myself “just a woman.” I was at a wedding in Texas a week ago, and my cousin (it was her daughter who got married) told the bride and groom and a few others that I was only to be thought of as “Tammy’s cousin.” That was cool…my life isn’t completely wrapped up in being T, but it is an important part right now.

Why is that? The simple fact is that, for the past 2+ years, I have been working and living male. I couldn’t seem to find a position that would provide me with enough income to live and pay down the debt I incurred. I lost my job after I transitioned…in fact my last day at the college I worked at was two days after I had my surgery with Dr. Meltzer in June of 2003.

It should go without saying, but everything I blog is of course simply my view on things. It doesn’t mean that anything I say is right or wrong…just that it is “right” for me “right now.” I guess in a 12-step program, they call it “the truth as I know it.

Anyway, I am in the process of finding my way back to being myself 24/7. Right now I “cross-dress” for work. I like to think of it as playing a part in a movie for 50 hours a week…sometimes a bit more. It isn’t easy, but it is what I need to do.

I am working on finding a way to be myself. As of my last therapy session (yes, I still do therapy once in a while to help me deal with issues…things aren’t perfect just because you transition…which is, I believe one of the most important things people need to know), I told my therapist I needed to take a five year transition plan and condense it to two. I just can’t deal with the stress of going back and forth forever.

Two years is slightly over 100 weeks (see, I can do basic math!), meaning every week is another 1% closer to the goal. In the meantime I am working on several intermediate goals…one doesn’t transition completely without a lot of planning…at least for me.

That is enough for now…more later!