Family relationships are complicated, at least in my family. I have one brother, three years older than me. My father turned 80 in March. My mom died in 1983, my father remarried a few years after that, so I have a sort of stepmother. I also have a very sweet uncle (my dad’s older brother) who was with me during my surgery and is very supportive of me. My father, on the other hand isn’t supportive of my “bad decision.”

He has recently become aware of my decision to live my life as Tina, after pretending for a couple of years that I could be his son. He has made me aware that: 1) he knows, 2) he doesn’t understand, and 3) “Tina” is not welcome to visit him.

Okay, the theme this week is on something that I consider to be a part of Judaism…although would submit it is probably a part of any “good religion.” In the past couple of weeks we have seen the Ft. Hood attack and an individual going to a former employer in Florida and opening fire. Hatred of others, whether through religious extremism or based on a long-term grudge, have ended the lives of many people. In that same two week period, I am certain that murders have occurred in probably most of the states in our country. We seem to be a very violent society.

As Jews, we remember the violence that occurred in what is known as Kristallnacht, on November 9-10, 1938…some 71 years ago this week. Violence and hatred seem to be alive and well…raising the question: have we progressed? The answer to that is complicated. In some ways we have. The dialogue about gay marriage and expansion of hate crimes legislation would not have been discussed even thirty years ago.

And yet, hatred seems to be alive and well…and at times it appears to be overwhelming us. When we have “men of the cloth” blaming natural disasters on the wrath of G-d on our society due to our “sins”, when individuals feel they are doing “G-ds will” by murdering doctors providing legal abortion procedures, and when gender variant individuals are murdered, it appears that hatred and violence are “winning.”

What is the alternative? How do we “beat” hatred? The answer, in my view, was articulated by my congregations Rabbi this past Friday evening. What we can do is to love and heal the world. This seems like a daunting (impossible?) task, but it is really our only option…unless we want to escalate the violence.

It isn’t easy to do this, and I’m not trying to simplify things. The world is a complicated place. It is not always (often?) easy to love others. Still, it is worth the effort. In my transition, I am going to try to remember this…that although love may not have the strength to overcome hatred, it is the best option I have.

So, I will love my father, even as he rejects who I am. I will work at expressing love in all aspects of my life…from the person who gets my order wrong at McDonald’s to the individuals who insist on calling me “he.” I will work on loving the student who is irate, and the faculty member who sends me a nasty email. I will not be perfect (none of us are), but I will make the effort.

I do not wear rose colored glasses. I am under no illusion that my love will overcome hatred or stop violence. I do, however, believe it is what we can do…and if each of us provides enough love to the world, it will at least make a difference…it already does. We won’t eliminate hatred and violence…it seems that will be with us forever, but we can make progress.

I used to like the phrase “love conquers all.” Now I don’t, because I don’t believe that love “conquers.” That seems warlike to me. I do believe that love is “powerful in a gentle way.” Anyway, love is my way of working to heal the world.

Until next time