I don’t know if you have ever woken up in the middle of the night, tried to get out of bed, and felt a little bit unstable…that it takes you a moment to gain balance of your body. I know that I have had that happen…and I see my 16 year old dog taking a couple seconds to gain his balance when he has been sleeping and gets off the couch.

It is important that each of us maintain our balance; before, during and after transition. I have had trouble with this in the past, and I continually have to remind myself to work at keeping that balance. I’m not anywhere near perfect in doing so, but just being aware of the need to do so is helpful.

Before transition, it is easy to get carried away. The incredible feeling that you get when you are finally able to “unleash” the real you can spur you to move quickly. I know I did, telling my college president of my situation and desire to transition before I should have. If I had waited, I’m not sure things would have gone better, but by doing so quickly, I lost my balance…I wasn’t ready for the onslaught that began happening.

In my case, my therapist tried to rein me in, but I “knew” better. While it was natural that I was excited about becoming myself (that may make no sense to a non T), trying to do so at “warp speed” wasn’t very bright. Speed can upset balance.

During transition, being patient and keeping balance is also important. Electrolysis seems to take forever. Again, I wasn’t very bright. I had about 50 hours of electrolysis, but I was “ready” for RLT. No, I really wasn’t. I should have waited until I had the face cleared. Again, I should have tried to balance things. I had limited time and money, but instead of waiting another year, I started RLT. While I may have been ready in some ways, I struggled to keep my balance.

After transition, it is also important to have balance. Throughout the process, I was very vulnerable. When my dad would make comments about the fact that I would never be successful, it cut close to the bone. When my brother ignored me, it hurt. When friends would call me “he” it seemed cruel. I did approach some balance at times, but it was always a struggle. Sometimes a person could make a comment and it wouldn’t bother me at all. The next day, the same comment would be devastating.

Balance means a lot of things. It means having a number of friends and not relying on any one of them to make you happy or to “buck you up.” It means having various interests, so that if you decide one group isn’t “right” for you, there are other interests. For example, I love my dog more than anything in the world. Those are strong words, but he is so important to me.

He is 16, which means that he won’t be with me forever. And, since he is a “joint custody” dog, I only get him about half of the time. When he is no longer with me, I am sure I will be devastated. If I allow him to be my life, to the exclusion of others, I will be truly lost. I know that I will be sad when he leaves this earth…he has been part of my lofe for over 15 of those years…got him when he was seven months old. Still, I need to keep my balance.

A seminar I went to a number of years ago talked about “dancing in the moment.” That was an alien concept to me at the time. Even now I struggle with it. To me it means to enjoy the time right now and not be so worried about the future that you miss out on the enjoyment of the moment. Keeping my balance…between worrying about the future and not being aware how my decisions impact it, from enjoying my dog to being prepared for a life without him…those balances are critical to me.

Doing it, however is the challenge.